Last week, I talked about the fixed mindset and how it doesn’t foster positive change. Focusing on your growth means taking the numbers out of the equation and looking at how you’ve changed as a whole. It also means steering clearing of those looking to pull you back into a “fixed” way of thinking. And those people are usually the crabs in your bucket.
Maybe you don’t know what the crabs look and sound like. The crabs in your bucket can be as blatant as people questioning your abilities and as subtle as back-handed-complimenting friends. Knowing the catch-phrases of those crabs in your life will help you combat those feelings of doubt that will inevitably creep in.
“I’m just looking out for your best interest…”
This little line can cause anyone to second-guess their decisions. After all, this person does care about you and only wants the best for you…right?
Maybe. Maybe not.
Only you know for sure if this person is actually looking out for your best interest. Usually, though, the person saying this line is looking out for their interests: keeping you from outpacing them. The best thing about this statement is that it forces you to use your internal instincts. And if this person is actually trying to help you, listen. If they’re trying to hold you back, then continue to focus on your growth.
“Are you sure you can do this?”
It’s incredible how people cheer you on in your average life and then immediately turn on you when you express your goal to be different. When you open up about your heart’s desires – what you truly want – people may react in unusual ways. And doubting disbelief is one of them.
Know this: most people accept mediocrity, and they expect the ones closest to them to do the same. When someone they know decides to go outside the box, their immediate response is to defend their lives and beliefs without truly looking at – or thinking about – yours.
It’s easy to take a statement like this personally. What you hear is exactly what they say: you can’t do this, so why are you trying? But the underlying issue with this statement has nothing to do with what you can do, and has everything to do with what the speaker won’t do.
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
Avoidance is what people do when they aren’t comfortable. So take a step back from the conversation and think about this; you are comfortable discussing your true desires. That’s an enormous step in the growth process. I know, I know; talking about your dreams is easy, it’s action that matters. But if you’ve been crippled by fear to the point of not even discussing your dreams, than you’ve accomplished something huge here.
You only discuss important topics with people who are important to you. And if those people can’t handle discussing the things that are high on your priority list, your success is making them uncomfortable. They’re still in the fixed mindset.
Don’t take these types of comments at face value. On the surface, they may seem caring, concerned or even hurtful. But know what they’re really saying to you, and you’ll be able to kick those crabs on your way up and out of the bucket.
Tags: crabs in your bucket, dealing with negative people, negative people, Chicago financial advisor, Chicago personal finance, Julie Murphy Casserly, Chicago financial advice