Through the years, I have found that I was either looking for or even sometimes, starving for something outside of myself. I was searching time and time again without getting internal, sustainable satisfaction. I kept thinking and feeling that if I just got to the goal of moving downtown, buying that new car, buy the new condo or starting my own company and being successful at it, that all would be so much better. Over the past few years while living my life in the present moment more, I’ve found this couldn’t be farther from the truth.
I noticed that we are conditioned, told and reinforced every day in our society that there is some “carrot” that is being dangled in front of us to keep pushing us forward, and eventually you’ll get that carrot, but at what cost? I’ve watched loved ones work so hard throughout the years and for what? What’s the end game? Is it to provide for our families? To save for my kids’ college so they don’t have the debt that I had coming out of school? To build up money to live in our “golden years” or just doing it for the “tomorrow” we want, while the years just keep passing us by? Personally, I refuse to live like this.
What drove me to live like I did for years, the same way many of you do today? We are all emotional beings; you and me. In my first book, The Emotion Behind Money: Building Wealth From the Inside Out, I talk about the need to acknowledge our true power source – our hearts. When we are making decisions from our hearts and not our minds, we put ourselves in alignment with what is true for us. So why do we keep looking outside for validation? On one level, we let the almighty dollar drive our decisions; on another level, we think we are flawed. To make it worse, society and how we use money reinforce it by telling us that if you don’t give us something of yourself, you’ll lose your job; if you don’t play nice in the work sandbox, you won’t get that raise or promotion. Hence, many of us, in our main working years, have become institutionalized with corporate politics and feel stuck for years. It’s so subtle, but it has slowly been eating away at our humanity and, in the long run, it has made a big impact.
People say to me every day “How do you do it? You’re married, running a business, you have 4 children six and under, you’re writing a second book coming out this fall, and you baked cookies for the party today.” I tell them, it’s all a choice. I have decided that I only do the things in my life that really make me giggle. I love baking cookies with my kids, so I do. I’m a visionary and I love growing my financial advising business JMC Wealth Management, Inc., as well as my personal brand and online presence, Julie Murphy, to financially improve the world we live in. Lastly, I love bi-weekly date nights with my husband to keep the “giggle” alive. There’s not one thing that I do day to day that doesn’t make me feel expansive and excited. If something doesn’t make me feel that way, it goes away.
Are you searching? Have you been trying to get validation by the status of your career or by how much money you make? Are you trying too hard to feel like you are enough by all the people you spend all your money on? Are you the one that gives your money away as an expression of love to feel validated? I see this so prevalent in today’s parents. They work so hard for the money they earn, they let their careers dictate the time they have to spend with their families, only to just give in and give their children so many things because on some level they feel guilty. We buy more TVs, more iPods, we give kids our credit cards and don’t take them away after they graduate college, and all because we feel bad, on some level, about the lack of time we’ve spent raising our children. It’s a really tangled web these days.
I’m here to tell you – stop searching! No need to search any longer for something outside of yourself for validation, love or acceptance. The acceptance is all between your two ears. Choose it. I too am trying to find a new harmony in my life with a 4th child in our family. It drives me nuts how on Monday morning, I am swamped with emails, I need to be really focused and its okay that 15 people want me yesterday. You know what? That extra swim in our pool last night before the kids went to bed was well worth it. The smile on MaryKate’s face when I told her she could get back into her bathing suit for a second time that day was priceless. And of course, any of you that follow me on Facebook (and if you don’t come join me), can understand my Bridget, the outgoing, dynamic personality, needing to bring her mermaid fin to add a little extra fun. I’m all about more fun these days – personally, professionally and financially. Sometimes we all just need a little pick me up to get us to the next place. And that lies in what you are reading, listening to, and those you spend time with.
So, how do you detach from the old world without getting hooked by your current personal, work, or financial reality? Here are some steps to help:
- Create space in your life. This can be in either time or money. Stop spending time doing things you really don’t like. Financially speaking, look at where money has gone these past few months and choose what you no longer value. Choose to stop spending your cash or credit there. Create space for new things to fill in your time and where you want your money to go.
- Remember, money is energy. Energize what you want to create. Spend some of this new found time. Money wise, feel your way into what you want to spend, save or invest your money on now that you’ve reconsidered where it was going. Set up accounts with auto-deposits just like your paycheck gets deposited automatically every month. Life is too busy these days to manually get it done. You’ll not be as efficient in your process if you convince yourself you want to control it and manually move money.
- Find those in your life who you want to become more like. Our friends and family are in our lives for a reason; it’s because they are a reflection of you. You share their attributes – the good, the bad and the ugly – and it’s alright; just love yourself. If you want to be more financially fit, then hang around those that are, as opposed to those friends that are always complaining about their money situation, their job, and just life in general.
- You are the only thing you need. You are the treasure inside the treasure chest. Stop spending time at jobs, in relationships or other places where others don’t see you as such a treasure. When you do this, more money follows because you are doing what makes you feel good.
I am here to support you. Come join me weekly on Tuesdays, at 5:30pm central, for my Facebook Live Streams to ask me any of those questions that have been jamming you up to live the financial, personal, work and family life you want and deserve to live.