For years, I’ve watched while we, particularly women, choose to put others needs in front of our own. When in the inside we are starving for our lives to be different than what we’ve created. Depending on your stage of life it could be different, but usually when we are starting in our 40s we start to see it differently, but by the time we’re in our 50s, we’ve had enough.
I watch as we chip away at what our soul is screaming for us to do and we still choose to do other things despite being called to another path. We get trapped by the rat race of our lives which results in stuffing down our emotions. Those stuffed down emotions either work themselves out by feeling the feelings or we act them out through our health or our wealth. We start being put on medications from our doctors, and we grieve what we know our financial lives could have been if you had made different choices.
I know it is hard to change gears, particularly as the years go by, but let me tell you how I jumped off the ledge and I am soaring because of it. In life, if we don’t choose to follow our soul’s path, your soul will choose it for you. Mine did. The other day, my husband said to me, “Julie, I love when you’re like this!” I was a bit confused as to what he was referring to so I inquired. “Billy, what are you talking about?” He said, “Every time you get to this point where you’re taking all this risk, hiring and training new advisors, getting a new book published, hiring a new business consultant, traveling to conferences, doing more corporate financial wellness seminars, spending tons of money on infrastructure, and you’re really stressed about it because you are fearful that you’ve made the right choices, you’re about to pop.” He went on to tell me that he has seen me do this about four other times since he met me 17 years ago. I never saw it before, but here I am again, jumping off the ledge because I know the work I am supposed to do in the world, and I’m taking that leap of faith and just getting it done.
In my first book, The Emotion Behind Money: Building Wealth From the Inside Out, I talk about how when we choose to change, those around us, family, friends, colleagues, will not initially really like it on some level because you are changing the status quo. On some level they feel vulnerable and many of those people will tell you all the reasons why you shouldn’t take your leap of faith. I call these the crabs in your bucket. Why? If you’ve ever seen crabs in a bucket, when one tries to climb out, the others try to pull them back down. But, if there is only one crab in a bucket, they can crawl out by themselves no problem. Moral of the story is for you to go to the next place in your world, the place of personal soulful living; you need to get the crabs out of your life.
Those crabs can be multiple things like:
- Are you your grandchildren’s nanny? (never thought you’d have another full time job again, eh?)
- Are you still in touch with your ex and watching him/her live a better lifestyle or a new happy relationship than you and you’re still ticked off about it?
- Are you bored at your job and it just doesn’t challenge you anymore, but boy it’s a great paycheck to pay those bills though (words like this keep us trapped)?
- Are you still married to that person who really is today, just not making you happy, but its familiar?
What happens when we allow these things to fester, at first they make us sad, then as the years go by we get mad, then we get angry, then by the time we hit retirement, we are full blown pissed off and full of rage of what could have been. Well, let’s interrupt that cycle…let’s choose to not be that crabby retired person. Who’s with me?
It’s not easy doing it ourselves, so let’s build up a support system. If you really want to dump that spouse, start talking to people who have had divorces that have turned out the best way possible. One just like how you’d like your outcome to be. I met a woman over the past few years that really just couldn’t be married any longer, they had a few kids together, but they just got married so young and they are different people today. Lots of family pressure to stay married, and layer her religion or old religion belief systems that have been ingrained; it was very hard for her to take this leap. She came to me and asked for resources that could help her on her journey to create a loving divorce. I referred her to two really great resources:
This is Not the Story You Think It Is: A Season of Unlikely Happiness by Laura Munson
Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Ever After by Katherine Woodward Thomas.
Or perhaps something like this has occurred in your life. I had a client experience something recently that reminded me of what happened to a good friend of mine years ago. She gave her life to her job. Now some of you may not have given your life to your job, but perhaps its was to raising your kids so you can relate in some fashion. It was good for all those year, not great, but good enough. Then after 23 years, about to make partner at her law firm, they said to her, “unless you have a significant shift in your personality, you will never be partner at this firm.” Talk about a blow. Talk about the volumes of sadness, anger and rage that came right up to the surface. There was no way to shove it down this time, it was coming out with a vengeance. After 23 years of long days, and long tax seasons, she was dropped like a hot potato. Ever felt like that?
Good news is that the emotion came up and out which started her healing process. One of the most destructive things we can do is hold in our emotions, remember, we either work them out or act them out. And, we act them out usually through our health or through our money. If we don’t align with our purpose, and what is true for us in this moment in time, we will eventually hit a crisis point like this that will force the shift. So let’s move past the sadness, the anger, the rage or any other emotion we have by feeling them. What this allowed my friend to do was to attract a better job, more income, and a ton more time for quality of life.
We are here to support you. Join me and my community to help support you through your transition to more health and wealth in your life.