Wow, this past month has been intense. Who else is with me? All that no longer serves us must fall away. The old model of doing things must go. It’s time for energetic and financial expansion.
When I wrote my first book The Emotion Behind Money, I made reference to sitting on a bar stool. That once you start to shift you can’t ever go back and sit on the same barstool any longer. You start to shift and the common traits you once shared, you realize they are fading away, even if they’ve been friends for years. This has happened to me in a big way this past month.
One of the most financial self-loving things I did this past week was to accept my reality. I loved myself enough to see how I chose to participate in it. Once I really realized the cluster F*#@ that was created I got so sad. Sad how I had been betrayed by those I loved and sad that here I was again. And boy oh boy, did I grieve the fact that I knew better. I started to beat myself up. Ever done that before?
I realized that the sadness that came up wasn’t only about this situation, but it was also about all the times in my life that I did this exact same pattern. For me, I believe people at face value, but that leaves me at risk to be “wowed”, to be “sold a bill of goods with no substantiation”. I over road my own intuition in both instances and I didn’t apply my personal and business knowledge. I gave my power away. I thought someone knew better than me, that they had more authority on what I was doing, then me. That couldn’t have been farther from the truth. It was time for me to take my power back, hold healthy boundaries for myself, take inventory of the reality that was created, and align the situation to what was true for me and take action.
In the process of accepting my reality, a critical step in financial healing, I knew that my emotional body would drum up all kinds of self judgement, shame, blame, and/or guilt. When they came up, I chose to be the observer of those feelings. A response I’ve become very familiar with over the years. This is where I knew healthy boundaries were so important while I moved through both of these situations. For me, healthy boundaries meant that I needed to take a step back and create space for myself first and foremost. Then, evaluate, plan out my action plan to rectify things, then collaborate with others to set things straight.
What was interesting in both scenarios, when I didn’t respond to others demands, they came at me harder. Another test? Absolutely, I was being forced to get this one. They came at me like a bull in a china shop. They even tried to rally the troops against me. They tried to come after me in numbers. I knew I could choose to meet with each group of individuals and allow them to reinforce all my shame, blame, guilt and judgement, or I could choose to do the most self-loving thing. I chose the latter. The most self-loving thing for me was to take a step back, evaluate and see what was true for me. I didn’t engage. I didn’t plug into the energy they had going on because that was their business not mine. My business was to get really in tune with myself.
I realized, AGAIN, that I am a huge giver, and I attract takers. In my giving, I tend to rescue people, particularly financially. I’ve had a pattern of exchanging money for love. But I was doing that with people who don’t even love themselves, so they had no capacity to love me, reinforcing my suffering that I am unlovable. A pattern I thought I had said good bye to years ago. Apparently, I needed to strengthen my self-love muscles. I made a PACT with myself years ago, that I was no longer going to work with vendors, or have friendships, employees, or other relationships that were not mutually beneficial, loving, and reciprocal. This is where I was tested this past month.
I wound up getting into two situations where those I was dealing with were opportunists and they were personally financially destitute, which clouded their decision making process, and they were seeking to be bailed out and tried to make it my problem. Years ago, I would have bailed them out, and then just complained about it for years. What I’ve come to realize, when we do things that are not in alignment with who we are, we store those unprocessed emotions in our nervous systems, only to eventually act out in our health.
I always say, we either work things out or we act them out. We act them out through our money and though our health. This past month, I decided to not act out from shelling out money to people who were out of alignment and I was unwilling to carry their money issues. My body started to get numbing sensations. I know from reading Louise Hay’s book, Heal Your Life, the emotional cause of numbing is “Withholding love and consideration. Going dead mentally.” I was checking out likely because I’ve seen this pattern many times before. It was so stressful for me that I was in this pattern again.
I know many of you are with me on this one, you’ve likely had similar patterns repeat in your life and eventually you feel like you’re beating your head against the wall. Well, it’s time to stand up and love yourself!!!
How did I get out of what I created and how can you as well?
- I went back and got in tune with what I wanted to create in my life. I loved myself enough to give me the time to do this regardless how much other people were barking at me, and threatening me legally, to do it differently.
- I evaluated what was true for me, and what was I being “sold” and see what was not in alignment with my highest and best interest.
- I proactively reached out to those involved to find a collaborative solution.
- I let go of those who were unwilling to collaborate because that’s not my style.
- Lastly, I expressed gratitude for all those who showed up for me and for the lessons I learned which helped me build even stronger self-love muscles.
Whew!! It was a process, but my soul came here to do something, and as God and The Universe as my witness, I’m going to do it and nothing is going to stop me, even the lessons. Bless your lessons along the way. Thanks for reading…..
Look out this spring for my new book Awaken Your Wealth will be coming out which will be a roadmap which I call the PACT process which allows you to walk yourself through the most self-loving path to financial wellness on all levels. Come like my Facebook page to join a community that is all about financial abundance and support you in creating the financial life that you desire.