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Financial Self Love

By | Advice from Julie Murphy Casserly, Blog | No Comments

Wow, this past month has been intense. Who else is with me? All that no longer serves us must fall away. The old model of doing things must go. It’s time for energetic and financial expansion.

When I wrote my first book The Emotion Behind Money, I made reference to sitting on a bar stool. That once you start to shift you can’t ever go back and sit on the same barstool any longer. You start to shift and the common traits you once shared, you realize they are fading away, even if they’ve been friends for years. This has happened to me in a big way this past month.

One of the most financial self-loving things I did this past week was to accept my reality. I loved myself enough to see how I chose to participate in it. Once I really realized the cluster F*#@ that was created I got so sad. Sad how I had been betrayed by those I loved and sad that here I was again. And boy oh boy, did I grieve the fact that I knew better. I started to beat myself up. Ever done that before?

I realized that the sadness that came up wasn’t only about this situation, but it was also about all the times in my life that I did this exact same pattern. For me, I believe people at face value, but that leaves me at risk to be “wowed”, to be “sold a bill of goods with no substantiation”. I over road my own intuition in both instances and I didn’t apply my personal and business knowledge. I gave my power away. I thought someone knew better than me, that they had more authority on what I was doing, then me. That couldn’t have been farther from the truth. It was time for me to take my power back, hold healthy boundaries for myself, take inventory of the reality that was created, and align the situation to what was true for me and take action.

In the process of accepting my reality, a critical step in financial healing, I knew that my emotional body would drum up all kinds of self judgement, shame, blame, and/or guilt. When they came up, I chose to be the observer of those feelings. A response I’ve become very familiar with over the years. This is where I knew healthy boundaries were so important while I moved through both of these situations. For me, healthy boundaries meant that I needed to take a step back and create space for myself first and foremost. Then, evaluate, plan out my action plan to rectify things, then collaborate with others to set things straight.

What was interesting in both scenarios, when I didn’t respond to others demands, they came at me harder. Another test? Absolutely, I was being forced to get this one. They came at me like a bull in a china shop. They even tried to rally the troops against me. They tried to come after me in numbers. I knew I could choose to meet with each group of individuals and allow them to reinforce all my shame, blame, guilt and judgement, or I could choose to do the most self-loving thing. I chose the latter. The most self-loving thing for me was to take a step back, evaluate and see what was true for me. I didn’t engage. I didn’t plug into the energy they had going on because that was their business not mine. My business was to get really in tune with myself.

I realized, AGAIN, that I am a huge giver, and I attract takers. In my giving, I tend to rescue people, particularly financially. I’ve had a pattern of exchanging money for love. But I was doing that with people who don’t even love themselves, so they had no capacity to love me, reinforcing my suffering that I am unlovable. A pattern I thought I had said good bye to years ago. Apparently, I needed to strengthen my self-love muscles. I made a PACT with myself years ago, that I was no longer going to work with vendors, or have friendships, employees, or other relationships that were not mutually beneficial, loving, and reciprocal. This is where I was tested this past month.

I wound up getting into two situations where those I was dealing with were opportunists and they were personally financially destitute, which clouded their decision making process, and they were seeking to be bailed out and tried to make it my problem. Years ago, I would have bailed them out, and then just complained about it for years. What I’ve come to realize, when we do things that are not in alignment with who we are, we store those unprocessed emotions in our nervous systems, only to eventually act out in our health.

I always say, we either work things out or we act them out. We act them out through our money and though our health. This past month, I decided to not act out from shelling out money to people who were out of alignment and I was unwilling to carry their money issues. My body started to get numbing sensations. I know from reading Louise Hay’s book, Heal Your Life, the emotional cause of numbing is “Withholding love and consideration. Going dead mentally.” I was checking out likely because I’ve seen this pattern many times before. It was so stressful for me that I was in this pattern again.

I know many of you are with me on this one, you’ve likely had similar patterns repeat in your life and eventually you feel like you’re beating your head against the wall. Well, it’s time to stand up and love yourself!!!

How did I get out of what I created and how can you as well?

  • I went back and got in tune with what I wanted to create in my life. I loved myself enough to give me the time to do this regardless how much other people were barking at me, and threatening me legally, to do it differently.
  • I evaluated what was true for me, and what was I being “sold” and see what was not in alignment with my highest and best interest.
  • I proactively reached out to those involved to find a collaborative solution.
  • I let go of those who were unwilling to collaborate because that’s not my style.
  • Lastly, I expressed gratitude for all those who showed up for me and for the lessons I learned which helped me build even stronger self-love muscles.

Whew!! It was a process, but my soul came here to do something, and as God and The Universe as my witness, I’m going to do it and nothing is going to stop me, even the lessons. Bless your lessons along the way. Thanks for reading…..

Look out this spring for my new book Awaken Your Wealth will be coming out which will be a roadmap which I call the PACT process which allows you to walk yourself through the most self-loving path to financial wellness on all levels.   Come like my Facebook page to join a community that is all about financial abundance and support you in creating the financial life that you desire.

Namaste,

Julie

Divorce Because Every Day Matters

By | Advice from Julie Murphy Casserly, Blog | No Comments

You may be considering divorcing your spouse, friendship, parents, siblings, co-workers or other relationships that are causing you to suffer. How do we know when the time is right? Or is it right? All we know on the inside is that something is not working for you at that moment of time. We put up with continual behaviors and patterns for far too long. Why do we stay? We stay because of the stories and roles we have played that are familiar and it’s easier to stay with what we know versus venturing out into the unknown. It takes a lot of courage to push out of our personal patterning. Again, it’s the stories that keep us stuck.

Stories, stories, stories……this is how we play out our lives. Many times the stories we tell ourselves come from our experiences in life and the experiences of the generations before us. This week, I was reminded about how when we interface with others, especially long term relationships, whether be spouse, family or otherwise, many times we follow our conditioning as opposed to our authentic selves. Many times these stories cause us to suffer keeping us from moving forward.

I have seen countless times when a relationship is not working, and when one of the parties just makes it an option to be willing to leave, it shifts the entire relationship. You have to be WILLING to leave. Be willing to change. Be willing to invite in the new. Why? Because you will stop suffering and you will respond differently to things in life. When you are willing to walk away, it actually frees everyone involved. And, as a side note, this also shifts people financially too.

Many people don’t get divorced because they are afraid of what the financials look on the other side of a divorce. I can tell you, I’ve had client after client tell me they were afraid of what their financial reality will be on the other side. What we need to realize in this process, is that you are left with you on the other side. Yes, you and only you. And when you have no one else to point the finger at, you will be forced to look in your own mirror. The only thing I’ve watched people fear is when they are choosing not to be the best version of themselves. We chose to blame your spouse for why you are stuck, shame your family for not being different, guilt your kids for not filling your expectations and judge them all – your spouse, boss, sibling, parents, etc, but that only works for so long. If you’ve spent a lifetime doing this, then you will keep chasing and never feel whole within yourself. And to top it off on some level you will always financially struggle. Some to it by repeating the debt cycle over and over again. Some do it by having to split their money from divorce, or a failing business, or getting laid off, etc. All situations that have cash walking out the door as opposed to growing and being abundant.

If on the flipside, if you’re like me, you may have been the one that has constantly interfered with other people lives by doing too much for them, your kids, employees, your spouse, your siblings and even in some cases your parents. When you don’t allow others to have the full experience of what they are choosing in the world, they can’t evolve to be the best version of themselves. We do it to “do the right thing” or “to help support them when they are down” and in reality, we are crippling them more the more we bail them out. When one gives too much to others, and not in alignment with them on every level, it is accompanied by expectations being set. Expectations of how those people should act in return and this comes from the fact that you on some level feel put out. When I’ve done this in the past, particularly with my siblings, it only created more suffering for me.

I had an experience one day that taught me that I didn’t necessarily need to divorce my siblings, but I needed to release all expectations and I needed to stop giving so much because I felt put out. This often caused me to get physically sick as well, could have been as easy as a cold or as bad as being laid out for a week or two with the flu. It took me a while to realize this really had nothing to do with my siblings, it had everything to do with little old me. I was continuing this pattern to keep my story alive. My childhood put me in a parenting role with my siblings being the 2nd oldest of 12 children. It naturally just happened that way. A gift my childhood gave me was the skills to run a successful business today. The shadow side was that I needed to learn to just keep busy being myself and doing my soul work in the world. I did so by staying in a place of being an observer and listener, not problem solver, when it came to the interface with my siblings. And when I felt a certain way, I communicated it, but steered clear of telling them what I think because that just meant I fell back into being a problem solver for them. By doing so, this has freed me and freed them at the same time.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • What suffering patterns do you see over and over again in your relationship that you are considering a divorce?
  • How have you participated?
  • If someone is pressing your buttons, it’s really about something that needs to shift within yourself. What are those buttons that need to be healed within you?
  • What does a healthy relationship look like to you?

How does this all fit into money? Well, when you participate in relationships that are operating from a place of scarcity, struggle, or suffering, there’s no way full abundance can come your way in all areas of your life, including financials. That is why this is important as you do self-reflection; you need to consider all areas of your life to look at Personal, Financial, Family, and Work Life. I go into these in detail in my book The Emotion Behind Money. If one wants to shift, stop repeating patterns, or improve their financial lives, one must address all the emotions going on inside their lives as a whole, otherwise you will ebb and flow and all will stay approximately the same, unless you give yourself the gift of your own emotional freedom and choose to change those patterns of suffering.

Choose You!   Choose to Divorce or Release unhealthy relationships! Just start shifting one of those relationships this week. Express gratitude for that person in your life and what they have given you and gratitude for what they will give you in this divorce process. Send them love and light along the way.

xo

Julie

Have You Had Enough?

By | Advice from Julie Murphy Casserly, Blog | No Comments

For years, I’ve watched while we, particularly women, choose to put others needs in front of our own. When in the inside we are starving for our lives to be different than what we’ve created. Depending on your stage of life it could be different, but usually when we are starting in our 40s we start to see it differently, but by the time we’re in our 50s, we’ve had enough.

I watch as we chip away at what our soul is screaming for us to do and we still choose to do other things despite being called to another path. We get trapped by the rat race of our lives which results in stuffing down our emotions. Those stuffed down emotions either work themselves out by feeling the feelings or we act them out through our health or our wealth. We start being put on medications from our doctors, and we grieve what we know our financial lives could have been if you had made different choices.

I know it is hard to change gears, particularly as the years go by, but let me tell you how I jumped off the ledge and I am soaring because of it. In life, if we don’t choose to follow our soul’s path, your soul will choose it for you. Mine did. The other day, my husband said to me, “Julie, I love when you’re like this!” I was a bit confused as to what he was referring to so I inquired. “Billy, what are you talking about?” He said, “Every time you get to this point where you’re taking all this risk, hiring and training new advisors, getting a new book published, hiring a new business consultant, traveling to conferences, doing more corporate financial wellness seminars, spending tons of money on infrastructure, and you’re really stressed about it because you are fearful that you’ve made the right choices, you’re about to pop.” He went on to tell me that he has seen me do this about four other times since he met me 17 years ago. I never saw it before, but here I am again, jumping off the ledge because I know the work I am supposed to do in the world, and I’m taking that leap of faith and just getting it done.

In my first book, The Emotion Behind Money: Building Wealth From the Inside Out, I talk about how when we choose to change, those around us, family, friends, colleagues, will not initially really like it on some level because you are changing the status quo. On some level they feel vulnerable and many of those people will tell you all the reasons why you shouldn’t take your leap of faith. I call these the crabs in your bucket. Why? If you’ve ever seen crabs in a bucket, when one tries to climb out, the others try to pull them back down. But, if there is only one crab in a bucket, they can crawl out by themselves no problem. Moral of the story is for you to go to the next place in your world, the place of personal soulful living; you need to get the crabs out of your life.

Those crabs can be multiple things like:

  • Are you your grandchildren’s nanny? (never thought you’d have another full time job again, eh?)
  • Are you still in touch with your ex and watching him/her live a better lifestyle or a new happy relationship than you and you’re still ticked off about it?
  • Are you bored at your job and it just doesn’t challenge you anymore, but boy it’s a great paycheck to pay those bills though (words like this keep us trapped)?
  • Are you still married to that person who really is today, just not making you happy, but its familiar?

What happens when we allow these things to fester, at first they make us sad, then as the years go by we get mad, then we get angry, then by the time we hit retirement, we are full blown pissed off and full of rage of what could have been. Well, let’s interrupt that cycle…let’s choose to not be that crabby retired person. Who’s with me?

It’s not easy doing it ourselves, so let’s build up a support system. If you really want to dump that spouse, start talking to people who have had divorces that have turned out the best way possible. One just like how you’d like your outcome to be. I met a woman over the past few years that really just couldn’t be married any longer, they had a few kids together, but they just got married so young and they are different people today. Lots of family pressure to stay married, and layer her religion or old religion belief systems that have been ingrained; it was very hard for her to take this leap. She came to me and asked for resources that could help her on her journey to create a loving divorce. I referred her to two really great resources:

This is Not the Story You Think It Is: A Season of Unlikely Happiness by Laura Munson

Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Ever After by Katherine Woodward Thomas.

Or perhaps something like this has occurred in your life. I had a client experience something recently that reminded me of what happened to a good friend of mine years ago. She gave her life to her job. Now some of you may not have given your life to your job, but perhaps its was to raising your kids so you can relate in some fashion. It was good for all those year, not great, but good enough. Then after 23 years, about to make partner at her law firm, they said to her, “unless you have a significant shift in your personality, you will never be partner at this firm.” Talk about a blow. Talk about the volumes of sadness, anger and rage that came right up to the surface. There was no way to shove it down this time, it was coming out with a vengeance. After 23 years of long days, and long tax seasons, she was dropped like a hot potato. Ever felt like that?

Good news is that the emotion came up and out which started her healing process. One of the most destructive things we can do is hold in our emotions, remember, we either work them out or act them out. And, we act them out usually through our health or through our money. If we don’t align with our purpose, and what is true for us in this moment in time, we will eventually hit a crisis point like this that will force the shift. So let’s move past the sadness, the anger, the rage or any other emotion we have by feeling them. What this allowed my friend to do was to attract a better job, more income, and a ton more time for quality of life.

We are here to support you. Join me and my community to help support you through your transition to more health and wealth in your life.

Namaste, Julie

Your Mindset Creates Your Reality

By | Advice from Julie Murphy Casserly, Blog | No Comments

If you’ve read my book or any of my blogs, you know that I passionately believe in, and encourage you to harness the power of your money mindset. It is true that what you put out to the Universe is returned to you.

I’m overcome with joy when I see someone else experience these abundant moments and share them with the world, thereby planting more seeds of empowering shift.

I was inspired when I read this post by Jenn Dieas, Founder and President of “Glowout – A Golden Girl Salon”. She truly manifests the power of this message.

You may have your fearful moment, lament about your struggle. But once you focus back on your strength and let the world know you’re ready to embrace it, things change.

See how Jenn pulled herself from fear to power, and the financial win she experienced from creating that shift for herself. Read on, and unleash your inner Glow Getter!

jenn-dieas-post-jmcMO MONEY MO PROBLEMS” After a slightly panicked morning with a bunch of money worry I decided to take a walk and move some stress out of my body. I had a major pep talk with myself about money. Like “girl you’re a badass mofo you got this ok.”

I grew up with a mom who was always hustling someone and a lot of those hustles weren’t so legal. I watched that become the cause of us living in shitty motels out of our duffel bags. That stuck with me. I promised myself I’d never not walk the straight and narrow, honest line.

After my walk I headed to work to grab some things and notice I left an old purse in my office. I open it up and BAM $300 of my tip money is inside. Cha Ching! I’m reminded once again that my mindset creates my reality. #zenjenn #shiftshappen

~ Jenn Dieas, August, 2016