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Divorce Because Every Day Matters

By | Advice from Julie Murphy Casserly, Blog | No Comments

You may be considering divorcing your spouse, friendship, parents, siblings, co-workers or other relationships that are causing you to suffer. How do we know when the time is right? Or is it right? All we know on the inside is that something is not working for you at that moment of time. We put up with continual behaviors and patterns for far too long. Why do we stay? We stay because of the stories and roles we have played that are familiar and it’s easier to stay with what we know versus venturing out into the unknown. It takes a lot of courage to push out of our personal patterning. Again, it’s the stories that keep us stuck.

Stories, stories, stories……this is how we play out our lives. Many times the stories we tell ourselves come from our experiences in life and the experiences of the generations before us. This week, I was reminded about how when we interface with others, especially long term relationships, whether be spouse, family or otherwise, many times we follow our conditioning as opposed to our authentic selves. Many times these stories cause us to suffer keeping us from moving forward.

I have seen countless times when a relationship is not working, and when one of the parties just makes it an option to be willing to leave, it shifts the entire relationship. You have to be WILLING to leave. Be willing to change. Be willing to invite in the new. Why? Because you will stop suffering and you will respond differently to things in life. When you are willing to walk away, it actually frees everyone involved. And, as a side note, this also shifts people financially too.

Many people don’t get divorced because they are afraid of what the financials look on the other side of a divorce. I can tell you, I’ve had client after client tell me they were afraid of what their financial reality will be on the other side. What we need to realize in this process, is that you are left with you on the other side. Yes, you and only you. And when you have no one else to point the finger at, you will be forced to look in your own mirror. The only thing I’ve watched people fear is when they are choosing not to be the best version of themselves. We chose to blame your spouse for why you are stuck, shame your family for not being different, guilt your kids for not filling your expectations and judge them all – your spouse, boss, sibling, parents, etc, but that only works for so long. If you’ve spent a lifetime doing this, then you will keep chasing and never feel whole within yourself. And to top it off on some level you will always financially struggle. Some to it by repeating the debt cycle over and over again. Some do it by having to split their money from divorce, or a failing business, or getting laid off, etc. All situations that have cash walking out the door as opposed to growing and being abundant.

If on the flipside, if you’re like me, you may have been the one that has constantly interfered with other people lives by doing too much for them, your kids, employees, your spouse, your siblings and even in some cases your parents. When you don’t allow others to have the full experience of what they are choosing in the world, they can’t evolve to be the best version of themselves. We do it to “do the right thing” or “to help support them when they are down” and in reality, we are crippling them more the more we bail them out. When one gives too much to others, and not in alignment with them on every level, it is accompanied by expectations being set. Expectations of how those people should act in return and this comes from the fact that you on some level feel put out. When I’ve done this in the past, particularly with my siblings, it only created more suffering for me.

I had an experience one day that taught me that I didn’t necessarily need to divorce my siblings, but I needed to release all expectations and I needed to stop giving so much because I felt put out. This often caused me to get physically sick as well, could have been as easy as a cold or as bad as being laid out for a week or two with the flu. It took me a while to realize this really had nothing to do with my siblings, it had everything to do with little old me. I was continuing this pattern to keep my story alive. My childhood put me in a parenting role with my siblings being the 2nd oldest of 12 children. It naturally just happened that way. A gift my childhood gave me was the skills to run a successful business today. The shadow side was that I needed to learn to just keep busy being myself and doing my soul work in the world. I did so by staying in a place of being an observer and listener, not problem solver, when it came to the interface with my siblings. And when I felt a certain way, I communicated it, but steered clear of telling them what I think because that just meant I fell back into being a problem solver for them. By doing so, this has freed me and freed them at the same time.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • What suffering patterns do you see over and over again in your relationship that you are considering a divorce?
  • How have you participated?
  • If someone is pressing your buttons, it’s really about something that needs to shift within yourself. What are those buttons that need to be healed within you?
  • What does a healthy relationship look like to you?

How does this all fit into money? Well, when you participate in relationships that are operating from a place of scarcity, struggle, or suffering, there’s no way full abundance can come your way in all areas of your life, including financials. That is why this is important as you do self-reflection; you need to consider all areas of your life to look at Personal, Financial, Family, and Work Life. I go into these in detail in my book The Emotion Behind Money. If one wants to shift, stop repeating patterns, or improve their financial lives, one must address all the emotions going on inside their lives as a whole, otherwise you will ebb and flow and all will stay approximately the same, unless you give yourself the gift of your own emotional freedom and choose to change those patterns of suffering.

Choose You!   Choose to Divorce or Release unhealthy relationships! Just start shifting one of those relationships this week. Express gratitude for that person in your life and what they have given you and gratitude for what they will give you in this divorce process. Send them love and light along the way.

xo

Julie

Have You Had Enough?

By | Advice from Julie Murphy Casserly, Blog | No Comments

For years, I’ve watched while we, particularly women, choose to put others needs in front of our own. When in the inside we are starving for our lives to be different than what we’ve created. Depending on your stage of life it could be different, but usually when we are starting in our 40s we start to see it differently, but by the time we’re in our 50s, we’ve had enough.

I watch as we chip away at what our soul is screaming for us to do and we still choose to do other things despite being called to another path. We get trapped by the rat race of our lives which results in stuffing down our emotions. Those stuffed down emotions either work themselves out by feeling the feelings or we act them out through our health or our wealth. We start being put on medications from our doctors, and we grieve what we know our financial lives could have been if you had made different choices.

I know it is hard to change gears, particularly as the years go by, but let me tell you how I jumped off the ledge and I am soaring because of it. In life, if we don’t choose to follow our soul’s path, your soul will choose it for you. Mine did. The other day, my husband said to me, “Julie, I love when you’re like this!” I was a bit confused as to what he was referring to so I inquired. “Billy, what are you talking about?” He said, “Every time you get to this point where you’re taking all this risk, hiring and training new advisors, getting a new book published, hiring a new business consultant, traveling to conferences, doing more corporate financial wellness seminars, spending tons of money on infrastructure, and you’re really stressed about it because you are fearful that you’ve made the right choices, you’re about to pop.” He went on to tell me that he has seen me do this about four other times since he met me 17 years ago. I never saw it before, but here I am again, jumping off the ledge because I know the work I am supposed to do in the world, and I’m taking that leap of faith and just getting it done.

In my first book, The Emotion Behind Money: Building Wealth From the Inside Out, I talk about how when we choose to change, those around us, family, friends, colleagues, will not initially really like it on some level because you are changing the status quo. On some level they feel vulnerable and many of those people will tell you all the reasons why you shouldn’t take your leap of faith. I call these the crabs in your bucket. Why? If you’ve ever seen crabs in a bucket, when one tries to climb out, the others try to pull them back down. But, if there is only one crab in a bucket, they can crawl out by themselves no problem. Moral of the story is for you to go to the next place in your world, the place of personal soulful living; you need to get the crabs out of your life.

Those crabs can be multiple things like:

  • Are you your grandchildren’s nanny? (never thought you’d have another full time job again, eh?)
  • Are you still in touch with your ex and watching him/her live a better lifestyle or a new happy relationship than you and you’re still ticked off about it?
  • Are you bored at your job and it just doesn’t challenge you anymore, but boy it’s a great paycheck to pay those bills though (words like this keep us trapped)?
  • Are you still married to that person who really is today, just not making you happy, but its familiar?

What happens when we allow these things to fester, at first they make us sad, then as the years go by we get mad, then we get angry, then by the time we hit retirement, we are full blown pissed off and full of rage of what could have been. Well, let’s interrupt that cycle…let’s choose to not be that crabby retired person. Who’s with me?

It’s not easy doing it ourselves, so let’s build up a support system. If you really want to dump that spouse, start talking to people who have had divorces that have turned out the best way possible. One just like how you’d like your outcome to be. I met a woman over the past few years that really just couldn’t be married any longer, they had a few kids together, but they just got married so young and they are different people today. Lots of family pressure to stay married, and layer her religion or old religion belief systems that have been ingrained; it was very hard for her to take this leap. She came to me and asked for resources that could help her on her journey to create a loving divorce. I referred her to two really great resources:

This is Not the Story You Think It Is: A Season of Unlikely Happiness by Laura Munson

Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Ever After by Katherine Woodward Thomas.

Or perhaps something like this has occurred in your life. I had a client experience something recently that reminded me of what happened to a good friend of mine years ago. She gave her life to her job. Now some of you may not have given your life to your job, but perhaps its was to raising your kids so you can relate in some fashion. It was good for all those year, not great, but good enough. Then after 23 years, about to make partner at her law firm, they said to her, “unless you have a significant shift in your personality, you will never be partner at this firm.” Talk about a blow. Talk about the volumes of sadness, anger and rage that came right up to the surface. There was no way to shove it down this time, it was coming out with a vengeance. After 23 years of long days, and long tax seasons, she was dropped like a hot potato. Ever felt like that?

Good news is that the emotion came up and out which started her healing process. One of the most destructive things we can do is hold in our emotions, remember, we either work them out or act them out. And, we act them out usually through our health or through our money. If we don’t align with our purpose, and what is true for us in this moment in time, we will eventually hit a crisis point like this that will force the shift. So let’s move past the sadness, the anger, the rage or any other emotion we have by feeling them. What this allowed my friend to do was to attract a better job, more income, and a ton more time for quality of life.

We are here to support you. Join me and my community to help support you through your transition to more health and wealth in your life.

Namaste, Julie

Your Mindset Creates Your Reality

By | Advice from Julie Murphy Casserly, Blog | No Comments

If you’ve read my book or any of my blogs, you know that I passionately believe in, and encourage you to harness the power of your money mindset. It is true that what you put out to the Universe is returned to you.

I’m overcome with joy when I see someone else experience these abundant moments and share them with the world, thereby planting more seeds of empowering shift.

I was inspired when I read this post by Jenn Dieas, Founder and President of “Glowout – A Golden Girl Salon”. She truly manifests the power of this message.

You may have your fearful moment, lament about your struggle. But once you focus back on your strength and let the world know you’re ready to embrace it, things change.

See how Jenn pulled herself from fear to power, and the financial win she experienced from creating that shift for herself. Read on, and unleash your inner Glow Getter!

jenn-dieas-post-jmcMO MONEY MO PROBLEMS” After a slightly panicked morning with a bunch of money worry I decided to take a walk and move some stress out of my body. I had a major pep talk with myself about money. Like “girl you’re a badass mofo you got this ok.”

I grew up with a mom who was always hustling someone and a lot of those hustles weren’t so legal. I watched that become the cause of us living in shitty motels out of our duffel bags. That stuck with me. I promised myself I’d never not walk the straight and narrow, honest line.

After my walk I headed to work to grab some things and notice I left an old purse in my office. I open it up and BAM $300 of my tip money is inside. Cha Ching! I’m reminded once again that my mindset creates my reality. #zenjenn #shiftshappen

~ Jenn Dieas, August, 2016

 

Break Your Dam, It’s Time to Rebuild

By | Advice from Julie Murphy Casserly, Blog | No Comments

We all have experiences and conditioning that has shaped us during our lives. If you added them all up the result is the “you” of today. “You” today, is only a fraction of who you really are, join me in breaking the dams we’ve created so we can rebuild ourselves from our core. From the inside out!

Ready, Set, Go…..

This past week has consisted of a range of emotions. I’ve been that woman that has conquered it all. I pushed through the standards set by many of those in my life, past and present, I’ve done it all. On so many levels, I don’t feel that way. Yes, I’ve accomplished a lot, graduated college, undergrad and graduate, from two of the best universities in this country, I’ve married a wonderful man, I’ve had four healthy children who are thriving, etc. But still, something felt off.

We beat ourselves up in the moment for not getting this done or that done, or why didn’t our kids turn out this way or that way, but in reality, we are amazing!! Take the time to see how amazing you are just as I did this past week. List out all those things you’ve done great. We forget to internalize and really feel those accomplishments, big or small. It may even come up for you in a different package. For instance, I was brought to tears a few times this week.

One of those times, I was thinking about my cousin Patrick who committed suicide in his 30s, just after I had an amazing conversation with him about starting his own business. He called me up to try to wrap his head around how I did it. I kept saying “Patrick, what are you talking about?” He said to me, “Julie, you came from no money, you had nothing. My family had so much more than yours did, bigger house, better neighborhood, better cars, better clothes, better schools, etc. You came from a poorer neighborhood than me, but now you are thriving, happy and you run your life the way you want to.” At the time, I wasn’t aware that there was any other way to be.  He asked me how he could start to find that for himself, but he had no idea how to start. He was amazing! He just didn’t see what everyone else could. How many gifts he had to share with the world in the perfect version that he was regardless of how much money or success he had from the outside looking in. Gosh, I loved him so much. Even my son Michael Patrick carries his name. I found out about week after he died that his business cards showed up in the mail for his new venture. This was some sadness I was holding onto that was coming up as my dam kept crumbling.

Let’s not wait until a crisis, we don’t have to. We can choose otherwise.  Reflecting on my relationship with Patrick this week I realized that my success and accomplishments have been about the impact I have made on people. By having the courage to be my authentic self and by breaking down barriers and walls we’ve created is my purpose. I express my purpose in many areas of my life. Even at my kids’ school, the teachers keep saying to me and my husband how normal we are. I laugh because I didn’t even get what that meant. But in reality, we haven’t bought into the show, the external things to make you happy, the stuff, the appearances, we just are us, take it or leave it. We’re authentic, we are just two Southsiders that have “made it” and our kids go to a great private school in the city and we don’t treat others differently if they are a have or have not.

I teach, financially speaking, that people fall into one of six categories, the poor, debtors, dreamers, accumulators, rich but empty and those that embody real wealth. Why? Because I have found that anyone who is currently poor, debtor, dreamer or accumulator, are usually striving for something outside of themselves to feel like they have made something of their life. Or achieved something based on someone else’s measuring stick that measures what we should be doing.

Once someone because rich, by society terms, meaning they have enough money that they don’t necessarily have to work the rest of their lives or not work as much, that they on some level have arrived. In reality, many don’t feel that way at all. We are in this hologram believing that this chase or rat race will get you somewhere and we are all working so hard to get there. I’m here to tell you, the rainbow is not at the end of that tunnel.

I’ve spent my career teaching people to love what they do for a living, have the courage to shift when they don’t love it anymore, and financially find a way how to do it. What’s occurred is more money has come their way time and time again as they honor their own self love and self-care. They’ve lived daily by being their authentic selves and scream it to the world.   They never become rich but empty, but they align their careers, family life, and personal life with their dreams and desires, and the money follows. As a result, they’ve received fulfillment and quality of life everyday instead of waiting for some hologram that isn’t real.

Two years ago, I was angry at everything and rage was exploding every week from me. I was angry about the status of my marriage, how nasty my kids were talking to each other, that I had two c-sections which I thought was a failure, how my business hadn’t hit the heights I had expected it to, and countless other things. Then I heard that when a person is angry, or in a state of rage, that it really is just deep sadness. At first I would say to myself, “whatever, I’m not sad.” Then I decided to ask myself a question every time I felt anger or rage. “Julie, what are you sad about?” It took about a month of doing this before my sadness came to the surface. I had created a pattern of suffering around the expectations I had set for my life which I had not fulfilled in the timely manner I thought to be true. To survive my childhood, 2nd oldest of 12 children, and make it out and be successful, I had to be in control of everything around me. That control was no longer serving me well and it was actually what was holding me back.

A few years later, I’ve now realized that we create these patterns in our life to deal with our experiences and I’ve always said that we either have to work things out or act them out. We act them out typically through our money or through our health. And until we typically have a crisis, financial or health, many of us don’t change. By choosing to allow your dam to start cracking, and move to a place of vulnerability, and have the courage to keep walking the path, you will overt having a health or financial crisis.

If you look at it, our country and our world systemically is doing the same thing. We have old belief systems, financial and other sectors, that if we don’t shift, like stop creating all this debt worldwide, we will have another financial crisis on our hands. The hits will keep coming, and keep getting stronger, until we shift.

Personally this is true too. I made a decision in 2005 when my dad had his two strokes that I was not going to create that same crisis pattern. That’s officially when my dam started to break and today, the final old walls of the old me have come down. I sit in a place of pure vulnerability, which for those of you who have known me throughout the years it’s not a place I sat in very often. But what I wanted more than anything was to do what my soul came here to do and not apologize for it. On some level, I always knew the timing would come after I brought my babies into the world, then it was my time. It was then going to be Julie’s time. That time has arrived. That time is now!

I believe our feminine energy is being called to surface to balance out the masculine, competitive nature our world has been for many, many years. In my work, it was about acknowledging that even though I did financial planning so different than all of my colleagues in the industry, I knew I was onto something that made my heart sing. It made me feel excited and expansive and it makes me giggle every time I do it. The fun I’m having today is teaching my system now to other planners so we can now impact a much larger portion of the population.

So, what is your soul supposed to do in this lifetime? I’ll bet you’re not fully doing it or you wouldn’t be reading this blog. If you need help, we are here to support you. Join our Facebook community here or email us at info@jmcwealth.com if you’d like individual help. It’s your time to take back your personal power with money and fully embody who you are meant to be.