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Divorce Because Every Day Matters

By | Advice from Julie Murphy Casserly, Blog | No Comments

You may be considering divorcing your spouse, friendship, parents, siblings, co-workers or other relationships that are causing you to suffer. How do we know when the time is right? Or is it right? All we know on the inside is that something is not working for you at that moment of time. We put up with continual behaviors and patterns for far too long. Why do we stay? We stay because of the stories and roles we have played that are familiar and it’s easier to stay with what we know versus venturing out into the unknown. It takes a lot of courage to push out of our personal patterning. Again, it’s the stories that keep us stuck.

Stories, stories, stories……this is how we play out our lives. Many times the stories we tell ourselves come from our experiences in life and the experiences of the generations before us. This week, I was reminded about how when we interface with others, especially long term relationships, whether be spouse, family or otherwise, many times we follow our conditioning as opposed to our authentic selves. Many times these stories cause us to suffer keeping us from moving forward.

I have seen countless times when a relationship is not working, and when one of the parties just makes it an option to be willing to leave, it shifts the entire relationship. You have to be WILLING to leave. Be willing to change. Be willing to invite in the new. Why? Because you will stop suffering and you will respond differently to things in life. When you are willing to walk away, it actually frees everyone involved. And, as a side note, this also shifts people financially too.

Many people don’t get divorced because they are afraid of what the financials look on the other side of a divorce. I can tell you, I’ve had client after client tell me they were afraid of what their financial reality will be on the other side. What we need to realize in this process, is that you are left with you on the other side. Yes, you and only you. And when you have no one else to point the finger at, you will be forced to look in your own mirror. The only thing I’ve watched people fear is when they are choosing not to be the best version of themselves. We chose to blame your spouse for why you are stuck, shame your family for not being different, guilt your kids for not filling your expectations and judge them all – your spouse, boss, sibling, parents, etc, but that only works for so long. If you’ve spent a lifetime doing this, then you will keep chasing and never feel whole within yourself. And to top it off on some level you will always financially struggle. Some to it by repeating the debt cycle over and over again. Some do it by having to split their money from divorce, or a failing business, or getting laid off, etc. All situations that have cash walking out the door as opposed to growing and being abundant.

If on the flipside, if you’re like me, you may have been the one that has constantly interfered with other people lives by doing too much for them, your kids, employees, your spouse, your siblings and even in some cases your parents. When you don’t allow others to have the full experience of what they are choosing in the world, they can’t evolve to be the best version of themselves. We do it to “do the right thing” or “to help support them when they are down” and in reality, we are crippling them more the more we bail them out. When one gives too much to others, and not in alignment with them on every level, it is accompanied by expectations being set. Expectations of how those people should act in return and this comes from the fact that you on some level feel put out. When I’ve done this in the past, particularly with my siblings, it only created more suffering for me.

I had an experience one day that taught me that I didn’t necessarily need to divorce my siblings, but I needed to release all expectations and I needed to stop giving so much because I felt put out. This often caused me to get physically sick as well, could have been as easy as a cold or as bad as being laid out for a week or two with the flu. It took me a while to realize this really had nothing to do with my siblings, it had everything to do with little old me. I was continuing this pattern to keep my story alive. My childhood put me in a parenting role with my siblings being the 2nd oldest of 12 children. It naturally just happened that way. A gift my childhood gave me was the skills to run a successful business today. The shadow side was that I needed to learn to just keep busy being myself and doing my soul work in the world. I did so by staying in a place of being an observer and listener, not problem solver, when it came to the interface with my siblings. And when I felt a certain way, I communicated it, but steered clear of telling them what I think because that just meant I fell back into being a problem solver for them. By doing so, this has freed me and freed them at the same time.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • What suffering patterns do you see over and over again in your relationship that you are considering a divorce?
  • How have you participated?
  • If someone is pressing your buttons, it’s really about something that needs to shift within yourself. What are those buttons that need to be healed within you?
  • What does a healthy relationship look like to you?

How does this all fit into money? Well, when you participate in relationships that are operating from a place of scarcity, struggle, or suffering, there’s no way full abundance can come your way in all areas of your life, including financials. That is why this is important as you do self-reflection; you need to consider all areas of your life to look at Personal, Financial, Family, and Work Life. I go into these in detail in my book The Emotion Behind Money. If one wants to shift, stop repeating patterns, or improve their financial lives, one must address all the emotions going on inside their lives as a whole, otherwise you will ebb and flow and all will stay approximately the same, unless you give yourself the gift of your own emotional freedom and choose to change those patterns of suffering.

Choose You!   Choose to Divorce or Release unhealthy relationships! Just start shifting one of those relationships this week. Express gratitude for that person in your life and what they have given you and gratitude for what they will give you in this divorce process. Send them love and light along the way.



You’re Worth It

By | Advice from Julie Murphy Casserly | No Comments

It’s time to raise our energetic, financial vibration!!! I want you all right now to download the song, “I’m Worth It” by Djsleazy and listen to it often. I realize you may not be a pop music fan, but my 3 year old daughter this week, MaryKate, is walking around the house blasting this song, wiggling her little hips dancing and singing “I’m worth it. Yeah, I’m worth it.” I understand this song could have a couple messages, but the fact that my 3 year old is internalizing that she is “Worth It” will go for miles during her lifetime.

Many of us have life experiences that have helped us feel like we are not worth it. We’ve created habits that don’t necessarily put us farther down our path to our soul work on this earth. Financially speaking, this comes about in various ways. We spend more than our income, we carry credit card debt and we keep choosing car loans over and over again. All things that deplete our energy and suck the life out of us as opposed to feed us more uplifting, positive energy. Then on top of that we pump ourselves up with Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts large coffees cream and sugar please, that keep us it the bad habit cycle of distracting ourselves to what’s really going on in our lives.

It’s a trap. It’s an addictive trap. Whether it be debt, coffee, other caffeinated drinks, bad relationships, or whatever else your vice is, they are all pulling you away from soulful living. I watched two of my employees this week juice to reduce inflammation and just feel less foggy and feel lighter. It was interesting to hear them speak about how when they no longer had their distractions. They actually felt their feelings. By doing so, it allowed them the space to choose consciously whether or not to continue those things that were not serving them very well. They had profound clarity due to the emotional space juicing gave them. I believe that’s why we don’t stick to diets or budgets because on some level, we’ve not fully committed to creating the life we dream of. We’re on some level nervous to feel our feelings. It’s foreign. For years, generations were taught to stuff them down, fall in line, and do and say all that you should.

I’ve been going through my own journey this past week as I continue to do the work I am meant to bring into the world. I’ve realized that I’ve distracted myself with pulling in vendors to help me on my professional journey that are order takers. Another gap was that none of them had skin the game to generate revenue, meaning if it didn’t work out, “Sorry Julie”. They didn’t have any skin in the game. I had all the risk. Why, because I wanted control. My childhood was packed with lots of things going on as 1 of 12 children. How I coped with it was to take control of things around me. It was a survival mechanism I put in place. That’s how I hard wired it in my subconscious mind which has led to how I respond to the external world.

In the past two weeks, I decided to break that bad habit of the need to control everything around me. Sound familiar to any of you out there? I’ll bet. There’s so many of us that are wound up so tight trying to control every move around us, we’re about to burst. This has put me in emotionally vulnerable positions. I observed that I was like a fish out of water. I felt very strange. I wasn’t clear as to how to just be with the emotion of feeling out of control. Anyone that knows me knows I like to have my act together. What came up for me was nervousness. My insecurity kept rising. I was feeling scared. Not a familiar place for me to be. I was scared of the unknown. I never allowed myself when I was younger to actually feel my feelings. I learned from my environment as a child to just divert those emotions into some other behavior that didn’t serve me very well.

Since I am a financial professional I’ve got the money side of the equation mastered. I always say, we either work things out or act them out through our money or through our health, and in many cases both. My bad habits and distractions have to do with my health. I’ve always stuffed emotions down with food. A client of mine put up on Facebook, 30-30-30 challenge. 30 days of eating healthy, 30 days of exercise, and 30 days of losing weight. I opted in. The challenge created the space for me to do something else to interrupt my pattern. The past few weeks I’ve chose to observe, not judge, when I emotionally ate which always resulted in overeating. This led me to make another conscious choice. I chose to stop my bad habit of emotional eating. How? The day after I overate, I chose to fast to empty my stomach to get back into alignment once again. I’m giving myself the space to do it in bite size pieces. We all can do that. Do things in digestible pieces so we don’t feel we are denying ourselves, but also putting ourselves in more alignment with our true selves as opposed to giving into all of our distractions of life.

As I’ve mentioned, financially, we have all kind of distractions we’ve created:

  • Debt – House, cars, student loan debt, credit cards, etc.
  • Overspending month to month from the income that is actually coming into our checking accounts
  • Creating credit card debt that our spouses have NO clue about (I see this so often)
  • Stay in jobs that we hate, so we rob ourselves of raises and good bonuses.

Just to name a few.

Ask yourself a few questions:

  • What are your money distractions or bad habits?
  • What small steps you can take right now that will free you of these depleting behaviors?
  • Who do you need to cut out of your life that reinforce your bad habits?

It all boils down to self love. Love yourself enough to move to the next place of your personal evolution. Embrace change, it really truly is the only thing that is constant in our lives. Change, change, change….so let’s just love it!!!


Come join us in our financial healing community on our website or join our Facebook Community to get the support you need to get you to your next place in life. Soon, I will be giving you a sneak peek by giving away the first chapter of my next book, Awaken Your Wealth: Make a PACT to Optimize Your Money and Your Life.

Have You Had Enough?

By | Advice from Julie Murphy Casserly, Blog | One Comment

For years, I’ve watched while we, particularly women, choose to put others needs in front of our own. When in the inside we are starving for our lives to be different than what we’ve created. Depending on your stage of life it could be different, but usually when we are starting in our 40s we start to see it differently, but by the time we’re in our 50s, we’ve had enough.

I watch as we chip away at what our soul is screaming for us to do and we still choose to do other things despite being called to another path. We get trapped by the rat race of our lives which results in stuffing down our emotions. Those stuffed down emotions either work themselves out by feeling the feelings or we act them out through our health or our wealth. We start being put on medications from our doctors, and we grieve what we know our financial lives could have been if you had made different choices.

I know it is hard to change gears, particularly as the years go by, but let me tell you how I jumped off the ledge and I am soaring because of it. In life, if we don’t choose to follow our soul’s path, your soul will choose it for you. Mine did. The other day, my husband said to me, “Julie, I love when you’re like this!” I was a bit confused as to what he was referring to so I inquired. “Billy, what are you talking about?” He said, “Every time you get to this point where you’re taking all this risk, hiring and training new advisors, getting a new book published, hiring a new business consultant, traveling to conferences, doing more corporate financial wellness seminars, spending tons of money on infrastructure, and you’re really stressed about it because you are fearful that you’ve made the right choices, you’re about to pop.” He went on to tell me that he has seen me do this about four other times since he met me 17 years ago. I never saw it before, but here I am again, jumping off the ledge because I know the work I am supposed to do in the world, and I’m taking that leap of faith and just getting it done.

In my first book, The Emotion Behind Money: Building Wealth From the Inside Out, I talk about how when we choose to change, those around us, family, friends, colleagues, will not initially really like it on some level because you are changing the status quo. On some level they feel vulnerable and many of those people will tell you all the reasons why you shouldn’t take your leap of faith. I call these the crabs in your bucket. Why? If you’ve ever seen crabs in a bucket, when one tries to climb out, the others try to pull them back down. But, if there is only one crab in a bucket, they can crawl out by themselves no problem. Moral of the story is for you to go to the next place in your world, the place of personal soulful living; you need to get the crabs out of your life.

Those crabs can be multiple things like:

  • Are you your grandchildren’s nanny? (never thought you’d have another full time job again, eh?)
  • Are you still in touch with your ex and watching him/her live a better lifestyle or a new happy relationship than you and you’re still ticked off about it?
  • Are you bored at your job and it just doesn’t challenge you anymore, but boy it’s a great paycheck to pay those bills though (words like this keep us trapped)?
  • Are you still married to that person who really is today, just not making you happy, but its familiar?

What happens when we allow these things to fester, at first they make us sad, then as the years go by we get mad, then we get angry, then by the time we hit retirement, we are full blown pissed off and full of rage of what could have been. Well, let’s interrupt that cycle…let’s choose to not be that crabby retired person. Who’s with me?

It’s not easy doing it ourselves, so let’s build up a support system. If you really want to dump that spouse, start talking to people who have had divorces that have turned out the best way possible. One just like how you’d like your outcome to be. I met a woman over the past few years that really just couldn’t be married any longer, they had a few kids together, but they just got married so young and they are different people today. Lots of family pressure to stay married, and layer her religion or old religion belief systems that have been ingrained; it was very hard for her to take this leap. She came to me and asked for resources that could help her on her journey to create a loving divorce. I referred her to two really great resources:

This is Not the Story You Think It Is: A Season of Unlikely Happiness by Laura Munson

Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Ever After by Katherine Woodward Thomas.

Or perhaps something like this has occurred in your life. I had a client experience something recently that reminded me of what happened to a good friend of mine years ago. She gave her life to her job. Now some of you may not have given your life to your job, but perhaps its was to raising your kids so you can relate in some fashion. It was good for all those year, not great, but good enough. Then after 23 years, about to make partner at her law firm, they said to her, “unless you have a significant shift in your personality, you will never be partner at this firm.” Talk about a blow. Talk about the volumes of sadness, anger and rage that came right up to the surface. There was no way to shove it down this time, it was coming out with a vengeance. After 23 years of long days, and long tax seasons, she was dropped like a hot potato. Ever felt like that?

Good news is that the emotion came up and out which started her healing process. One of the most destructive things we can do is hold in our emotions, remember, we either work them out or act them out. And, we act them out usually through our health or through our money. If we don’t align with our purpose, and what is true for us in this moment in time, we will eventually hit a crisis point like this that will force the shift. So let’s move past the sadness, the anger, the rage or any other emotion we have by feeling them. What this allowed my friend to do was to attract a better job, more income, and a ton more time for quality of life.

We are here to support you. Join me and my community to help support you through your transition to more health and wealth in your life.

Namaste, Julie