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Financial Fears: Time to Let Them GO….

By | Advice from Julie Murphy Casserly, Blog | No Comments

Who’s got them? My guess is most of us. They come and go over time, sometimes with more intensity and sometimes less. Why? This comes from our past conditions in the families and communities we grew up in. We learned emotional response systems from those we started our lives with and continue to attract those that reinforce those belief systems. We’re more stuck in our daily groves, with the appearance, that it is harder and harder to change the more time flies by. I’m here to tell you, anything can happen, no matter what age you are, how many failures you’ve had or how many people are counting against you. All you need is the real you to show up…and to recognize why these patterns keep persisting in our lives.

Think of it like this, years ago, I was watching TV. I was watching a cooking show. Not one with a huge celebrity chef cooking, but a show that brought in everyday people to share their family favorite recipes that had been passed down for generations. This young woman, in her early 20s, was picked and she was so excited to share her great grandmother’s baked ham recipe. As she prepared the food live tv she was very methodical going through things step by step. The host that day asked her, “Why are you cutting both ends off the ham before you put it in the oven?” The young woman responded, “I’m not sure, that’s just how we’ve always done it in our family.”

As she continued preparing the ham to go into the oven, the host was still perplexed as to why she cut off the two ends of the ham, and then tossed them into the garbage. The host challenged the young woman. She said, “Can we call your mom why you cut off the edges and throw them away?” Of course, the young woman agreed. They called mom and she said, I’m not really sure, let’s call grandma. “Grandma, can you tell me why we always cut off the ends of the baked ham when we do our family recipe?” Grandma stated, “I don’t know, that’s just how my mother taught me.” Her great grandmother was still alive and the host asked if it would be ok to make this third phone call to great grandmother to solve the mystery.

Great grandmother was happy to take the call, at age 92, and said, “Oh sweetheart, I cut the ends off the ham because the pan I used for years was too small to fit the whole thing.” Can you believe it? Really! Four generations this recipe got passed down and they were cutting off the edges of the ham and throwing them in the garbage all because great grandmothers’ pan was too small. Crazy!! This is a simple example of how patterns stick in our lives and we don’t even know why and ask if the reasoning is even relative to today.

So what does this have to do with our financial fears? Our fears are the same way. The conditioning that we have learned from past generations stick with us and most of it isn’t our stuff to begin with, but this is how we learned to emotionally respond to the world and how we handle to our financial world daily. Some cultures don’t believe in banks, they use currency exchanges to cash their checks. Some cultures like to keep wads of cash in their house because they lived, or their past relatives, lived in a period of time when it was not safe to put money in the banks, particularly in eastern Europe during the communist phases of history. And I could go on and on about how these fears have impacted behavior in many other cultures and how it impacts how we interface financially today.  We all have them, the question is what are yours and are they supporting the life you, and only you, want to live today?

Realize our financial fears really don’t come from our money. Money is one way we act out our unprocessed, unfelt, emotions. Remember, Einstein proved that energy is neither created nor destroyed it just changes form. So, if you have an emotional charge about something, a fear, and you don’t directly address it at that moment in time, the energy either gets stored in your body or exits your energy field some other way. The level of debt in our world today is the proof in the pudding that we are NOT processing our emotions in real, present time. We’ve been taught to be polite, don’t do this, don’t do that, be politically correct and all this stuffing in, is acting out with our spending. We are creating debt, and huge levels of it. You see this on the personal financial level, corporate, non-for-profits, and governmental financial levels, it’s everywhere. We are in over our heads and this too will come to a striking halt at some point if we don’t address why it’s being created in the first place. So much of it is fear driven. Fear of not having what someone else has. We are expressing fear of being rejected, and not being accepting by society’s norms, regardless if it’s really important to us or not. We’re caught up with what is outside of us, instead of focusing what is true for us in the inside.

You may have convinced yourself that you only have “good debt”. Debt is like a venereal disease, never really actually good and once in the cycle, it never really ever goes away. I have plenty of financial experts in my field that would completely argue with me on this point. They would say something like, well, if I’m paying 3% on my mortgage and after the tax deduction on the interest, I’m really only paying out 2%, why would I not put more of my extra cash into something that makes more return? From a pure financial standpoint, this is correct, but if we don’t look under the hood what motivated to have that debt in the first place, you will stay in a trap that is really hard to get out of, it becomes a debt living lifestyle. We keep upgrading our houses, buying more expensive cars as we age with more bells and whistles, etc. When you create too much debt, whether it be student loan debt, mortgage debt, car loan debt, credit card debt, etc, you get stuck in your financial past decisions. This doesn’t allow you the space to be nimble to live in the present moment or change the trajectory of the future you want to create easily. This is how our fears get reinforced in our limiting belief systems for our past conditioning.

Wow, that’s a mouthful….let me say it again. When we make financial decisions that are conditioned from those who taught us and the influences of our personal experiences, we are responding in a way that is primarily fear based in most situations. You can see this when you keep having negative outcomes, or not expected outcomes in your financial life. Goal is to start to become the observer of your financial life. Don’t judge where you’re financially at, just look, just observe. What do you see? It’s ok to look, it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to get so pissed off that you punch the wall, ok, that may be a bit extreme, but you get my point…get those emotions up and out so we can heal those financial patterns that we being recreated over and over again that don’t support the “you” of today.

Money is energy. To overcome your financial fears once and for all, you have to tactically start to move your money into the directions that really support the new you. Become financially fearless!! Now don’t go being a recluse, don’t be extreme because that is never sustainable. Bite size pieces. When I say become the fearless financial version of yourself, that means have the courage to decide to leave that crappy job that is really not feeding your soul today. You know that one that is giving you a paycheck that you feel you can’t walk away from, but yet you can with a plan. It’s about just start being willing to put together the list of your dream job. Let me share a story of someone who faced this job situation head on.

Someone close to me was in a good job. It was stable, income was decent, she liked most of the people she worked with, but her dream job posting had come to her attention. She found out that they were considering three people inside the company for the job. She would be the only outsider considered for the position. It would have been easy to give into her fears and do all that negative self-talk of the low odds of her actually being picked since she didn’t already work there or have any relationships with those she’d be interviewing with. Blah, blah, blah….. I told her that was a bunch of hogwash. If you believe it, then it will be true.” She felt like to total underdog, she was younger, an outsider and she didn’t have as much experience.

I told her, “You need to turn the tables. You need to shift the energy of the interviewing process.” She looked at me like I had ten heads. “How do you turn the tables?” she asked. I said you need to interview them, not the other way around. She was not exactly sure what I was referring to. I told her it was about going through the interviewing process from a place of being their equal as opposed to being the beggar, the underdog. She needed to be clear as to who she is at this moment in time, the job functions she would love to do day in and day out, the type of people she wanted surround herself with from her co-workers, boss, and company culture, how much travel she wanted to do with the position, what her ideal income would be (she needed to claim her number BEFORE they made her an offer, this way one doesn’t chicken out), etc.

Why go about it in the fashion? When you do, you maintain your personal power and you don’t turn it over to the other party. I had her type out all the details of her desired work life on a piece of paper. She sent it over to me and I began to blow holes in it. I see this all the time, the first time someone gives me their list, they are always general and very corporate in nature. Putting down what they think they should put down, instead of what they really want. They’ve usually dumbed down the list to be what’s “acceptable” to the masses to not offend or trying to be way too politically correct. STOP IT!!! Don’t do that anymore people. We need to claim who we are today and don’t accept anything that isn’t in alignment with that. I told her that if she really claimed who she is and what she really wanted and they don’t give her the job offer, then it was the wrong job anyway. It would be a gift to find that out sooner than later. Why are we so afraid of that? It’s ok to not go to a job that isn’t your ideal world. Just like earlier this year, I chose to cancel my contract with Hay House to publish my second book because I was being treated like secondary citizen. Instead of continuing the feeling of being disempowered, I chose to leave and feel empowered again about my work in the world. You can do it too. You just have to muster up the energy and courage to do so.

In the end, she had to really dig deep, not be so corporate in her list she typed out. I suggested she make a final copy for each of the eight people interviewing her and get them a copy and have a copy herself. Why put on paper? Because then you won’t chicken out again…our nerves can really get the best of us sometimes, so put yourself in a position where there’s no turning back. Position yourself to be lucky to let your freak flag fly!!

She made it to the 2nd round of interviews and had to do a presentation. She nailed it. Two days later, she was offered the job. The offer was for $20K more than she was making at her current job. I went after her again, why? Because when she wrote down her income number at the beginning of this process, the offer was for $10K less than what she thought she was worth.   They also gave her less vacation days. I asked her, “Do you want to lose quality of life to work for this company?” She looked at me confused again. Another pattern I see often at this part of the process. I said, “If you choose to have less days off per year, then you are giving up your freedom. Do you want this?” Keep your power, overcome those fears that will creep up. I recommended she go back them and say, thank you for the job offer, but I require $10K more per year in salary, and ten more days off per year. This would give her five more than she had, so she would gain more quality of life.

She went back to the corporate giant. She did the deed. She was nervous as all get out. Before the end of the day, they called and said they could give her $7K more, which was $27K more than her current job, and they said she could work one day per week from home and gave her more days off. What I’ve learned through the years is that ACTION is the best way to work past your fears and solidify a new response system, which gives you a new reality. It’s the only way to do it. Why? Because along the way you are shifting your energy in present time, despite the jitters, and that makes it a new you.

I’ll be giving some tips and tools over the next few months if you like, Click here to get on my mailing list to get access to them over the next few months before my book comes out. Sign up here to receive notice of samples of my second book, Awaken Your Wealth: Create a PACT to Optimize Your Money and Your Life which will give readers a deep dive to work on their patterning and create a new which will come out this fall. Let’s Awaken Your Wealth together, you deserve it!!

My Freedom

By | Blog, Financial Reality, Uncategorized | No Comments

We all want freedom. The United Kingdom last month showed the world they would rather have their freedom than give into the establishment despite the fear of the unknown of what this will truly mean to them. But why is it, in so many cases, we don’t choose our own personal freedom? Intellectually we do, but in our hearts, we don’t. Why? Because we haven’t forgiven ourselves for our past choices and we’re trapped on the hamster wheel of life.

Financially speaking, our past choices usually reside in our levels of debt. Whether that be our mortgage debt, car debt, student loans, credit cards, loans to family members, etc. It weighs us down like a lead balloon, whether we convince ourselves that it is good debt or bad debt, debt is still debt. Debt doesn’t allow you to live in the present moment and makes it tough to live in the present moment and even tougher to plan for your desired future. Debt doesn’t allow you the space to be nimble.  When we look at the debt we have created in our lives, we always have good reasoning for it, again, our head telling us why it’s good, but are hearts are SCREAMING for something different. Are you listening?

A dear friend of mine said to me, “Julie, I sold my house and I bought my freedom.” Many of us feel buying a house is the American Dream. It may very well be, but at least question it. The homes we buy should be more of our sanctuaries, our safe places, as opposed to our burden. Why do we make these choices? Because, we have Emotion Behind Money. We emotionally work things out or we act them out. In reality, we can’t change the past. It’s like in the movie The Lion King when Rafiki hits Simba over the head with the stick. Simba says, “Ouch, why did you do that?” Rafiki replies, “It’s in the past, it does not matter.” And it really doesn’t matter, it is what is, the past. You need to forgive yourself for where you’re at, whether it is financially, personally, or otherwise. When you forgive yourself, you will create space for the new to come in. And honestly, when the new comes in, it will in many cases surprise the heck out of you. Are you ready for that next adventure? I am…

My friend is spending her life in her 60s with 25% of her time in Seattle where her home was, 25% in Chicago where the majority of her family is, 25% in London with a dear lifelong friend, and 25% she changes annually for three months per year. What I love about how she is living is that she is not doing what she is “supposed” to do and now she is doing what she wants to do, today at age 64. She threw out all the rules we are “supposed” to live by to be successful which she did for many years. Who says we have to live this way. Why are we all following this trap? We are chasing life while life passes us by. She changed her job to be an independent contractor. Risky? Perhaps, but define risk. Risk can be that you get laid off in the next recession that is looming right now, not by your choice. Someone else decides your on the chopping block, as opposed to going out and finding your own clients. I’ve had some many people tell me through the years, aren’t you afraid running your own business when the economy gets bad. I laugh because they think they are safe with a guarantee paycheck working for someone else. Is it really guaranteed? I think not. I tell them, I could let go of everyone working at my company and I still get a paycheck if I had to. Susan, having the courage in abilities and skills she developed through the years and with technology today, she just plugs in from wherever she is at to get the job done. I never met anyone that is so happy while so many millions are stressed out to the gills.

In the process she had to forgive herself for buying the $900,000 house in Seattle. On some level she felt it was such a big mistake. She thought about all the money she spent remodeling and making her own imprint on the place, only to realize she didn’t find the happiness she expected to get. To her credit, she put 50% down payment, some cash came from the sale of her prior home in Chicago, plus some additional cash she had on hand in savings. This gave her only a $450,000 mortgage, but it was her lead balloon. She made every decision in her life based on this lead balloon. She put up with a boss that was awful to her because she needed the paycheck to pay for it. For many years she felt she was trapped in her job, in Seattle, and to this huge mortgage payment.

What was confusing to her was that she had always dreamed of living in Seattle. She loved being outdoors and really being a part of a community that really fed her soul. She didn’t realize how much the looming debt would affect her, especially for what we call a “good debt” in our society. She had a successful job that she had worked her whole career to build up to making a very healthy six figure income, but she found, it didn’t create the happiness she really desired on the inside. Why? The lead balloon, the mortgage, kept her planted and stuck in all areas of life. She didn’t travel as much as she would like because she no longer had the extra cash flow to do it, not only for vacation, but also to come see her aging mom in Chicago. I watched her struggle with that for years.

It was amazing to see her the day she decided to not beat herself up anymore for making the choice to spend all that money on the house and take on that mortgage. She had decided to sell her home, quit her job and find her freedom, but it all started with her forgiving herself for making the past choices she had made. Kudos to her, she found the courage and now is happier than ever.

Are you ready to get off the hamster wheel? It really is your choice. Make that decision for yourself. Choose you. Choose to forgive yourself for your current reality. Choose to forgive yourself for what debts you have, the financial patterns you’ve imprinted on your kids, for the crappy boss or company you put up with for years that sucked the life out of you, forgive your spouse and the patterns you put up with, and most importantly, forgive yourself for being human.

This fall my new book is coming out, Awaken Your Wealth. I have found once you come to a place that you are ready to forgive yourself, it’s time to build you back up to create the life you’ve want today, no matter what age you are and where you’re at in life today. Awaken Your Wealth will give you a roadmap to follow and the support you need. Coming up, I will be giving out sample chapters to get you going on creating your life, your way!! I’m honored to walk this journey with you my friends.

It’s one thing to forgive others; it’s on a whole other different plane to forgive yourself. It seems in many cases a bit more esoteric. It’s hard to look in the mirror. It takes courage to confront and grieve through the process of what you have chosen to create in your life. In the end, your freedom comes from finding that courage from deep within. Give yourself a great big hug, grieve the pile of poop you feel you’ve created and step forward. Not so easy sometimes to do this by yourself. Before my book comes out, let us support you. Create your support team around you through not only Soul Spring, but also share it with others to start to create your tribe that you can talk about it in your daily life and be on the same page. Come join me and like-minded others regularly for some of that support you need on my Facebook Page. I always say it takes a village. We are human beings not human doings. We’ve become so good at the doing part, we’ve forgot that we need the collaboration of other people to truly feed our souls.

Remember, it’s time to create our Financial Fun Time!!

Search no longer

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Through the years, I have found that I was either looking for or even sometimes, starving for something outside of myself. I was searching time and time again without getting internal, sustainable satisfaction. I kept thinking and feeling that if I just got to the goal of moving downtown, buying that new car, buy the new condo or starting my own company and being successful at it, that all would be so much better. Over the past few years while living my life in the present moment more, I’ve found this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I noticed that we are conditioned, told and reinforced every day in our society that there is some “carrot” that is being dangled in front of us to keep pushing us forward, and eventually you’ll get that carrot, but at what cost? I’ve watched loved ones work so hard throughout the years and for what?   What’s the end game? Is it to provide for our families? To save for my kids’ college so they don’t have the debt that I had coming out of school? To build up money to live in our “golden years” or just doing it for the “tomorrow” we want, while the years just keep passing us by? Personally, I refuse to live like this.

What drove me to live like I did for years, the same way many of you do today? We are all emotional beings; you and me. In my first book, The Emotion Behind Money: Building Wealth From the Inside Out, I talk about the need to acknowledge our true power source – our hearts. When we are making decisions from our hearts and not our minds, we put ourselves in alignment with what is true for us. So why do we keep looking outside for validation? On one level, we let the almighty dollar drive our decisions; on another level, we think we are flawed. To make it worse, society and how we use money reinforce it by telling us that if you don’t give us something of yourself, you’ll lose your job; if you don’t play nice in the work sandbox, you won’t get that raise or promotion. Hence, many of us, in our main working years, have become institutionalized with corporate politics and feel stuck for years. It’s so subtle, but it has slowly been eating away at our humanity and, in the long run, it has made a big impact.

People say to me every day “How do you do it? You’re married, running a business, you have 4 children six and under, you’re writing a second book coming out this fall, and you baked cookies for the party today.” I tell them, it’s all a choice. I have decided that I only do the things in my life that really make me giggle. I love baking cookies with my kids, so I do. I’m a visionary and I love growing my financial advising business JMC Wealth Management, Inc., as well as my personal brand and online presence, Julie Murphy, to financially improve the world we live in. Lastly, I love bi-weekly date nights with my husband to keep the “giggle” alive. There’s not one thing that I do day to day that doesn’t make me feel expansive and excited. If something doesn’t make me feel that way, it goes away.

Are you searching? Have you been trying to get validation by the status of your career or by how much money you make? Are you trying too hard to feel like you are enough by all the people you spend all your money on? Are you the one that gives your money away as an expression of love to feel validated?   I see this so prevalent in today’s parents. They work so hard for the money they earn, they let their careers dictate the time they have to spend with their families, only to just give in and give their children so many things because on some level they feel guilty. We buy more TVs, more iPods, we give kids our credit cards and don’t take them away after they graduate college, and all because we feel bad, on some level, about the lack of time we’ve spent raising our children. It’s a really tangled web these days.

I’m here to tell you – stop searching! No need to search any longer for something outside of yourself for validation, love or acceptance. The acceptance is all between your two ears. Choose it. I too am trying to find a new harmony in my life with a 4th child in our family. It drives me nuts how on Monday morning, I am swamped with emails, I need to be really focused and its okay that 15 people want me yesterday. You know what? That extra swim in our pool last night before the kids went to bed was well worth it. The smile on MaryKate’s face when I told her she could get back into her bathing suit for a second time that day was priceless. And of course, any of you that follow me on Facebook (and if you don’t come join me), can understand my Bridget, the outgoing, dynamic personality, needing to bring her mermaid fin to add a little extra fun. I’m all about more fun these days – personally, professionally and financially. Sometimes we all just need a little pick me up to get us to the next place. And that lies in what you are reading, listening to, and those you spend time with.

So, how do you detach from the old world without getting hooked by your current personal, work, or financial reality? Here are some steps to help:

  • Create space in your life. This can be in either time or money. Stop spending time doing things you really don’t like. Financially speaking, look at where money has gone these past few months and choose what you no longer value. Choose to stop spending your cash or credit there. Create space for new things to fill in your time and where you want your money to go.
  • Remember, money is energy. Energize what you want to create. Spend some of this new found time. Money wise, feel your way into what you want to spend, save or invest your money on now that you’ve reconsidered where it was going. Set up accounts with auto-deposits just like your paycheck gets deposited automatically every month. Life is too busy these days to manually get it done. You’ll not be as efficient in your process if you convince yourself you want to control it and manually move money.
  • Find those in your life who you want to become more like. Our friends and family are in our lives for a reason; it’s because they are a reflection of you. You share their attributes – the good, the bad and the ugly – and it’s alright; just love yourself. If you want to be more financially fit, then hang around those that are, as opposed to those friends that are always complaining about their money situation, their job, and just life in general.
  • You are the only thing you need. You are the treasure inside the treasure chest. Stop spending time at jobs, in relationships or other places where others don’t see you as such a treasure. When you do this, more money follows because you are doing what makes you feel good.

I am here to support you. Come join me weekly on Tuesdays, at 5:30pm central, for my Facebook Live Streams to ask me any of those questions that have been jamming you up to live the financial, personal, work and family life you want and deserve to live.